On "Writing Clean"

Writing books is all about self-discovery for the author. During the writing process, you push yourself to your limit and expand your current understandings to bring to pass an offering that is unique and different and well-crafted. While you're thusly toiling, you discover your capabilities and your deficiencies; you figure out what types of fiction you're best at writing or which technical aspect of writing you're great at (exposition, prose, dialogue, narrative, plot, or some other aspect) and what you're not so great at. So, while creating this last book, San Jose's Darlings, which includes some sexual content, I discovered that because of the subject matter I wanted to cover, the book was impossible to "write clean" and that overall, no matter how hard I try, I just can't "write clean" at times, and I shouldn’t expect myself to. I shouldn't put that burden upon myself. It's not a healthy attitude for me, and it will disrupt the creative process if I'm constantly self-editing all that flows out of my subconscious.

This doesn't mean that I will purposefully write dirty, nasty, disgusting material, or that I'm going to be writing erotica. What I am saying is that when the story calls for something less savory, when the situation the characters find themselves in demands it and when avoiding it would be detrimental to the plot, the conflict, or to the story overall, I will write dirty material. Not because I want to, but because I have to.

(Since everybody seems to have a different understanding of what clean is, here's my definition of "clean writing": no swearing, drugs, drinking / alcoholism, sexual innuendo / titillation, and other mild stuff at that level.)

The setting and time period has a lot to do with the material you include in your book. I don’t know how anybody can write a squeaky-clean book when it’s set in modern times. How can it be done correctly when a novel's modern setting should be a reflection of the messed-up world we live in? Should we start making up swear words? Unless you're writing a fantasy novel, do not do that. That is so tacky. Though I like some of Brandon Sanderson’s stuff, I hate the made-up swear words he and others use in their stories. Those fake words not only sound dumb, but they are a major distraction. Now, this doesn’t mean your characters should swear every other word, but it does mean that they should feel natural and life-like. Use vernacular that is appropriate for the time period, which includes swear words. It's also okay to simply state that "Jane cursed." But don't use that every time; you'll need to mix it up.

Another factor as to why I don't shy away from dirty content is mental illness. The Imp of the Mind is constantly thrusting horrible thoughts and images into my mind. I've had to condition myself to stop fighting them and to simply allow them to slip through my mind. So, since my first drafts are entirely subconscious driven, anything that comes to me is going to be splashed onto the page, which unfortunately means that content I'd rather not be there is going to end up in the book. There's no way around it. Fighting against the inclusion of such filth makes me mentally sicker since it causes me to focus on content, which is one of my many OCD obsessions. And although I try to exclude vulgarities or anything offensive from my work, the problem is that when I try too hard to "write clean"—by going the extra mile to take out “offensive” content that rightfully belongs—the form of OCD called scrupulosity takes over and I get extremely sick. (Those meltdowns throughout the last ten years have not been pretty: tearing covers off books that contained "inappropriate" images; editing every curse word out of my music; throwing away my favorite board games because they contained inappropriate pictures; using a black Sharpie to edit "naughty" words out of the books I'd bought; constantly berating myself and blaming myself for terrible thoughts.)

Avoiding content is not what I should be doing. That is not the path of good health for someone like me. And I’m at peace with that. God has let me know that I’m okay; that everything’s cool. All I need to do is do the best I can. And like I said earlier, it’s not like I’m creating pornographic material or writing anything that could be rated a hard “R” or NC-17. Besides, including “offensive” material in my novels is therapy for me, because it’s stuff I have to do anyway for OCD therapy so I might as well share it with others. It’s stuff I have to confront, that I can’t look away from, so I might as well let you in on it. In other words, you’re welcome.

Because of these challenges, I am different than everybody else; I have to live life differently than the people who follow the religious faith that I cherish. As much as it pains me, I cannot care about content because I will then obsess over it, and that obsession alone will destroy me from top to bottom, as it has done before.

This whole issue has been really hard to deal with because I am an extremely religious and spiritual person and I take God's commandments seriously. This form of OCD has its hooks in me because I do care about this stuff; I do care about my standing before God. OCD is so messed up: it finds whatever means the most to you and rips you to shreds over it. OCD feasts off your suffering.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that because of my inability to create clean books I have felt like a hypocrite, and for a long while I felt ashamed and guilty over it. It took years to figure out that I'm okay; that I'm not doing anything wrong. I've spent a lot of my time desperately trying to figure this all out. Today, I'm at peace with this issue. I know exactly who / what I am; I know I'm doing my best; and I know that this world is a sick place, which does have an influence on our stories and the content therein—which is unfortunate, but it is reality.